This morning I was preoccupied with thoughts of work, all the many things I have to do to get caught up, the endless train of seemingly meaningless tasks that require so much thought and energy.   Monday morning, and I was dreading starting the workweek.  I hit snooze too many times and got up with almost no time left to spend with God. 
  
I didn’t spend much time reading the word.  But I did pour my soul out to God in prayer like a psalmist asking Him why I haven’t felt close to Him or heard His voice in a while.  “God, you say if I draw near to you, that you will draw near to me.  Why does it seem like you are not here?  Don’t hide your face from me.”
  
I got in the car and headed to work, continuing in my prayer.  I remembered the subject of my post from yesterday, how we should live each and every day as an adventure.  I started praying along those lines.  “God, what is your purpose in my life today?  Who can I minister to?  Who do you want me to share your kindness with?  Speak to me and I will be willing to obey”.
  
Then something happened.  Suddenly the words “go to the hospital” just popped into my head from out of nowhere.  It came in a quite whisper, not loud or obvious, very subtle.  It was so strange and random.  I prayed, “God is that from you?  Do you want me to go to the hospital . . . right now?”  I heard no other words.  But my heart began to yearn to take the next exit and drive to the hospital.  I resisted the impulse.  This is crazy.  What would I do when I got there?  They don’t just let random crazy people roam the halls.  I don’t even know exactly where the hospital is.  Besides, I HAVE to go to work today.  I have way too much to do.  I’m behind already.  That can’t be God’s voice.  He wouldn’t ask that.  If I don’t show up it won’t go over well.  What would I tell them, “uhh, I have to go the . . . umm, hospital.  Oh, nothing is wrong, and I have no idea why I need to go there, I just do.”
  
I passed the exit to the hospital.  The feeling didn’t subside.  I took the exit to my work.  “God was that REALLY your voice?”  No response.  “God please confirm it.  This is so crazy I really need to know it is from you before I just abandon reason.  A though comes to my head; do you care more about what seems reasonable to you than you do about doing my will?  I don’t answer. 
 
I wish I could write here that I blew off work and went to the hospital, but I didn’t.  I walked in to work from the parking lot feeling totally defeated and convicted.  I was the one praying and writing for an adventure and asking God to guide me today, and I couldn’t follow His direction because it was too inconvenient, and because I wasn’t sure it was really Him and not me. 
  
I still don’t know if it was really God telling me to go to the hospital or some completely random thought from my subconscious.  But, I whish I had risked being crazy so that I didn’t miss what God was potentially going to use me to do. How convicting and revealing.  It shows the level of my commitment to Him (or lack there of).  Why did I care more about my job than His will?  God offered me the adventure and I chose the routine.
  
In 1 Kings chapter 19:11-13, Elijah has an encounter with God.
  
And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind.  After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.  When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.
  
And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
  
God was in the gentle whisper!  We need to let the gentle whisper be enough for God to guide us.  I kept asking for the thunderous voice, the earthquake or might rush of wind.  God was trying to teach me to listen to the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit.
 
I think the question He asked Elijah in that passage is important, “What are you doing here?”  What are you doing with this day, my will or yours?  Today my answer was, “my will Lord”.   Don’t make the same mistake I did.  Don’t miss His purpose in your life today!
 
Jesus, forgive me for not obeying the gentle whisper, the still small voice, of the Holy Spirit.  Please continue to whisper to me.  Give me the courage to trust blindly in your will.  Help me to consider everything as lost for your name.  Thank you for your promise that you never give up on me, and that you will complete the good work you began in me.

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